THE FUTILITY OF TRANSACTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS
By Mark W. Pfeifer
A Transactional Relationship
A Transactional Relationship is one in which the interactions between two parties are driven by self-interest.
In other words, I want to develop a relationship with you because I have a personal agenda that benefits me exclusively.
Having said this, we need to be clear about something…
All relationships are transactional to some degree. A good relationship is mutually beneficial. Otherwise, we would not be motivated to invest the necessary time and energy to create them.
But there is a big difference between a healthy relationship and a Transactional Relationship.
The difference is Moral Self-interest.
WHAT IS MORAL SELF-INTEREST?
Moral Self-interest is when we benefit from a relationship, having first sown into that relationship unselfishly and sacrificially.
It is not immoral to experience some benefit after we have contributed to the well-being of the other party…
…so long as it is not our primary motivator.
It’s the classic “win-win” scenario.
To make this happen, we must put ourselves in the shoes of the other person and devise ways to make transactions work in their favor just as much as we make them work in our favor.
Moral Self-interest Exemplified
Parenting and Teams best exemplify Moral Self-interest:
Nearly everything we do as a parent is for the benefit of our children. While we receive numerous blessings from our kids and grandkids, the motive behind our actions is greatly tilted in their favor.
Being a teammate also transcends transactional boundaries. Whether it’s a sports team, military team, or work crew, people participating in these groups are willing to exchange personal glory for team wins.
Moral Self-interest is measured by the amount of sacrifice a person is willing to make for the sake of others.
For the parent, it’s how much they sacrifice for their children’s well-being and success.
For the team member, it’s how willing they are to “take one for the team.”
Heroic stories abound: parents working second jobs to help their kids through college or soldiers sacrificing themselves for their comrades.
This is the stuff from which legends are made!
WHY TRANSACTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS ARE DESTRUCTIVE
Transactional Relationships destroy people.
When formed beyond the boundaries of Moral Self-interest, they are toxic. Benefits flow in one direction because the relationship was created with personal agendas.
Examples:
The Oedipal parent that won’t let their children grow up and leave home.
The athlete seeking glory at the expense of the team.
FOUR SIGNS OF TRANSACTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS
Expectations supersede responsibilities
Benefits are one-sided, built entirely upon what people can do for us rather than what we can do for them.
Many short-term, shallow relationships
These dissolve when goals are reached or fail to materialize.
People are dehumanized and demoralized
Individual worth is determined solely by performance, creating an atmosphere of fear and manipulation.
Overemphasis on org charts and titles
Relationships are defined within an organizational context, prioritizing chains of command over personal development.
WAYS TO OVERCOME TRANSACTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS
Be intentionally interested in people
Take a genuine interest in their hopes and dreams, like John Kelly, who listens and finds ways to help others achieve their goals.
Think like a parent
Treat people as you would your own children, prioritizing their well-being.
Be a team player
Focus on team wins to celebrate others’ achievements and put your desires in proper perspective.
Adopt God’s value system
Live out Matthew 25:35-36, serving others with no expectation of reward:
Feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, caring for the sick.
THE SAD TRUTH ABOUT TRANSACTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS
Transactional Relationships make us hypocrites.
Behind virtuous words and actions, selfish ambition often rules. This creates a trail of discarded, disheartened people and relationships based solely on utility.
Let’s value one another intrinsically as God does and move beyond transactional limits so we can be:
Brothers and Sisters
Family
The Church
